adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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