i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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