I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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