I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
