I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
