I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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