Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize