im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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