weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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