The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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