i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
