for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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