so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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