I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
