omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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