she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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