i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
