I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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