so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
