I skipped work to stalk him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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