Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
