there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
