if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize