dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
