We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
