just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize