I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize