Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
