we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
