Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
