I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
