Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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