I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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