Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
