I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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