remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
