i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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