a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
