It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
