she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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