How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
