do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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