Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
