Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
