remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
