I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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