24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
