He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize