Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
