I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
