my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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