This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
