i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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