do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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