no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it because I queefed?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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