I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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