She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
