I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
