I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I faked an abortion last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
