Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
