He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
