just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize