I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
