Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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