tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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