Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
