Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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