Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize