I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize