yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
