her vagine was all disorganized.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize