One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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