dude i'm inner monologue high
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
