I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
