Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
