how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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