I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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