Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I smell like Dick and happiness
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
