Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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