i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jerry, you need to find god
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
