Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize