I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
