I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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